The High Cost of Divorce.

     It’s quite expensive to end a marriage that cost only $15 to file a license for.  Lawyer fees, court costs, alimony, child support, etc.  Financially it can be a true drain.  That isn’t the worst of it, though.  There are far greater issues that drain one.

     The emotional drain is unbelievably strenuous.  It’s even far worse when one wishes things could have turned out differently.  I was in, yet another hearing, today with my ex wife.  We sat directly across from one another.  There we were two people who had shared the most intimate parts of our lives acting as if we had never met.  She had held me in contempt of court for being unable to fulfill my financial obligations.  I lost my job a year ago, but have employment now, however, I earn half of what I used to make.  Yet, she expects the same amount of support that she used to get.  I wish I could supply it, however, I can only give her seventy five percent of it.  Again, it sounds strictly financial.

     The most difficult part of this ending of a love is the pain, when children are involved.  All  I want is to be able to spend time with them.  Whether we’re swimming, watching Star Trek or I’m trying to teach them how to play baseball, it’s an amazing time for all of us.  Certain parents use their children as weapons against their former spouse.  That isn’t the right thing to do, though.

     I attempted to end my marriage with as little bitterness as one can have with a person one loved, yet no longer could share their lives with.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t reciprocated.  I really never wanted a divorce, however, when one is told they are no longer loved or desired and that they may never live in the same residence, again, one takes the hint.  Eventually, one has to move on.

     Am I bitter?  I suppose I am a little.  Am I angry?  Not any more.  Can I teach my kids how to handle relationships better?  I believe so.  I wish my ex wife the best.  I hope she finds whatever this world can offer her so that she can finally find the happiness she has searched for and I could not provide.  I also hope I can spend many more lovely lazy summer days with my kids and hear their laughter.  Marriage is so beautiful, when one finds their perfect partner.  Always remember that.

~Brian Holder

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