Top 5 Things You Do Not Say to The Fellowship of the Ring Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

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1. The movie was better! All they do is walk, talk, and quote nursery rhymes at each other in this big yawn!

2. Why can’t the eagles just take them to Mordor and be done with it? Gwaihir is kinda sucking as a friend right now!

3. Ringwraiths are obvious Dementor rip-offs! If Tolkien isn’t stealing ideas from Beowulf, Narnia, or Wagner; he’s ripping off original concepts from better writers like Rowling.

4. Saruman…Sauron…what’s the bloody difference!?

5. So let me get this straight! Magneto decides that the android Ash needs to leave his ring behind to his nephew who is the cannibal from Sin City. He takes with him one of the Goonies, Charlie from Lost, Will Turner, Eddard Stark, and some other weirdos to fight a giant eyeball who is friends with Dracula. In their wacky adventures they meet Agent Smith, Queen Elizabeth, and a bunch of other characters whose names all sound the same. I think I’ll pass.

Next Monday: Top 5 Things You Do Not Say to The Two Towers Fans

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