People and Nightmares

People are the most interesting and frustrating creatures to ever come into existence, and I do mean creatures. For all of our fears of animals and their ferocity, my irrational fear of birds included, we are so much more violent, destructive, and on such a larger scale than other animals. We don’t do it to because we need to, to survive. We don’t kill to live. We murder, we hurt each other. We steal, we rape, we tear each other down in the worst possible ways. We don’t gain anything for it. We aren’t fighting for survival. This isn’t the Hunger Games. We do it just because we can.

True to fault, we are the monsters that go bump in the night. We are what we are afraid of. The little voice inside of our heads that tells us to hurt others the way that they have hurt us, that tiny urge to make someone else feel as bad as you do. We don’t usually listen to these thoughts; we know right from wrong. Sometimes though, the thoughts get so strong. That desire to get even, it’s terrifying. The fact that we have those thoughts in the first place is enough to be scary, but we can be downright frightening when the mood strikes. Unlike other animals, we are fully aware of the consequences of our actions. We know we are hurting others, but we still do it anyways.

We have our reasons, whatever they may be. We do what we are going to do, and why not? We fight, we hurt and sometimes things start to spiral so far out of control and there is nothing we can do about it. There are things we could have done to prevent it or lessen the damage, of course, but hindsight is 20-20. So now we do what we do best and dig our hole deeper; dragging down as many others as we possibly can. Misery loves company after all.

We hate when we hear words about ourselves from other people who have no business talking like they know something. It sucks and it hurts. We know how horrible it feels, yet we do it to others. Everyone gossips. Everybody talks. We are all guilty of it at one point or another. So why do some of us act all high and mighty about not wanting to socialize with “people like that“? They do it just as much as the rest of us, if not more. Truth is, they are no better than the rest of us, even if they act that way. People don’t change; it’s just different names, faces and places.

It’s like a game. We play, we fight. We break, and we bend. We push and pull until something gives. We give just enough and take twice as much. Though for some of us, that part isn’t true.

It is like an act for us. We play the part we’ve been assigned, whether it is true to who we actually are or not. We can fake it with the best of them and tell the truth with the worst of them. We give sugar coated words laced with false security over the painful truth, whether it’s for our own benefit or someone else’s. It’s all just one never-ending loop of chasing our tails like a dog, only to end up right back where we started.

We can deny it all we want, but it doesn’t change a thing. Life can suck, and it will kick you in the ass in ways you’d never even think possible. People don’t always turn out to be who you thought they were, and that isn’t always a bad thing. We grow up and we change. We aren’t always going to be the person that we currently are, and we aren’t all the people that we were years ago. We change and we adapt. It’s all a part of life. Some of us have a hard time accepting that.

Sometimes we blame others for our own short-comings. Who cares? We all need to believe that it wasn’t just all us sometimes. None of us have it all together, no matter how it may seem. Some of us just can’t accept what is staring us straight in the face. Repress and deny. It’s so much fun just like the ulcers you get from doing it so much. Makes for a great time, right?

This is why people are so interesting. Not only do we hurt each other for no better reason than we can, we do the same thing to ourselves. We are a never-ending circle of, “do we-don’t we, rise and fall, yes and no”. We contradict everything we stand for, and keep on going like we always have.

We fight, we fall, we rise back up and we lose all over again. Sometimes we win and sometimes we don’t. We work our asses off, all in different ways, to get what we want. We sometimes end up screwing things up so bad, it’s all we can do just to cut the cord and let it go.

So I say, C’est la vie. Do what you won’t to do. Live your life. Try to be happy. Try not to be the things in the nightmares that keep you up at night. Realize that sometimes, when people that you’ve screwed over tell you that they wish you the best and hope that you get everything you’ve ever wanted, it isn’t always for selfless reasons. Sometimes they do it because, even if you do get everything you want, you still won’t be happy; there will always be something. Enough just will never be enough for you. It is nothing personal. Being nice can be cruel at the same time.

In the end, it’s all up to us. It is on us to make ourselves happy and it is up to us to choose right over wrong. We can choose our own actions, unless mob mentality kicks in. That is when we turn into mindless monsters, no smarter than the rubble under our feet from the ruins of what we burned down around us. We have free will, though, and should own up to it. I fuck up a lot. Sometimes my life is nothing but a string of one, “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” after another. It’s all a learning experience, and we all learn at different speeds and in different ways.

When it comes down to it, in many ways we are no different than the animals that we fear; in some ways, we are so much worse. We are destructive and careless. We are stubborn and prideful. We are willing to hurt other people to get what we want. We are also compassionate and giving. We are willing to do so much for the ones we care about. We are all the same, yet so drastically different. We are what is good in the world and simultaneously we are the monsters in our darkest nightmares.

Contributor ~ Amanda Zober


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