Fear is striking yet again. I know i can not be the only one in this world who
feels anxiety but dam it sure feels like it. I have a new career path i have
been considering and it just has been giving me nothing but anxiety every
time i think about it.
Some people are afraid of failure. I feel after jumping out of a plane, being
flipped around in mid air by professional acrobatics, shooting guns, and
losing my car in the ghetto i would get over failure. When i wanted to try
something new i took the Nike motto just do it and well i just did it. Whether it was
learning about women, getting a college degree, or starting a business i
made it happen. yet i ask myself why do i feel this anxiety? why does it move
down my body and like a nervous tick try its dam best to stop me from
achieving what i want.
What i have been realizing lately is that it felt different when i was starting
at the bottom. growing up in a broken home no one really expected me to
accomplish anything. Not my family or peers.
But when I started to change the quality of my company and get friends i
am proud of friends it all changed. i have friends like Tim Alverson that are
going to Cambodia to shoot rocket launchers. I have friends like Kirat
Sundrani who teaches yoga and is moving to New Orleans to pursue her
dream as a physical therapy assistant. I have friends like Eric Mckeethen
who became a contestant on ninja warrior regardless of whether he got first
place. I have friends like Max Lowenstein who is studying to be a dietician
and teaches amazing Acroyoga with his partner and also my friend Liz
I have friends who have known for years like John Murphy who is pursing
his passion in aquaponics with his girlfriend Alison in Mexico City. I have
friends like Madonna Esparza who bust her tail working in construction. I
have friends like Kristine Martinez who also came from nothing to pursue her
dream in human resources with the support of her fiance Izak Valenti.
And yet with all these amazing people in my life i still have anxiety. I feel
like i am in quite a conundrum. I believe that i am a amazing person. I
believe if am cool its only because of the amazing people in my life. I accept
myself for my strengths and weaknesses. Yet i feel this anxiety because i do
not know if i can live up to the expectations i have set for myself.
You know what the silver lining is in all of this though? Even though i feel
this anxiety i can still succeed in spite of it. Because even though i have not
gotten as far as i have wanted to with my career path i have been able to
make consistent baby steps. And I believe that eventually those baby steps
will turning into bigger steps which will in turn into where i am going to be.
Thank you guys for allowing me to share my struggle with you. i can only
hope that at least one person is affected by this positively. And i hope that by
me sharing my story they will have gained new i sight with there fear and
realized that they to can go after there dreams.