Category Archives: Humorous Lists

Irreverent Transmission


Wave crashes embroiling the majesty, the crown atop the heads smashed and melted into their scalps. Interment collapsed in a canister, it smells of wheat and canon oil. The odors overwhelm the ladened hands that cringe of smoldering heat. The hairs burn, as the corpses senge themselves of any sort of magnanimous entrapment. The rulers tap their fingers on the cold hardened steel, splashing their perception onto a world filled with resentment and vile bewilderment. Positioned, the animals snarling awaiting the trivial states of being one with the wilderness. Those ruthless sentinels, envelope those villagers with cold stares in the camps of the matriarchy. Slashing them lifelessly, like a weed in the summer months that hasn’t found its root or grounds in stature.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger


Five Things I hate that Most People Are Fine With

When it comes to hatred I find myself in positions that make me look like the one asshole among all of the other tolerant lovable chaps who have nary a judgmental word to say about anything. Conversely when it comes to love I sometimes find myself looking like the one idiot among the other wiser folk who can detect garbage when I ostensibly can’t. And there are even other situations where I blend in so well with the crowd that my voice becomes indistinguishable.
None of this bothers me much. I know that I am secure in my tastes as a result. I like what I like and I dislike what I dislike. Neither a hipster nor a crowd-pleaser be I. But I still notice when I am in the minority and I would like for once to look at some of the things that stand out especially for me.

The list I have compiled is of things that I personally hate which most other people are fine with in general. In compiling such a list, a problem obviously emerges. Hatred is a strong word. One may wonder what it is I mean by it and I would not blame them since hatred can be hard to define.


Well, OK, maybe for some they have their definitions in order; but for practicality’s sake I am going to offer a definition of my own to clarify my statements. Hatred (to me) is complete disregard and disgust at something that I find to be either loathsome, irritating, or downright wrong. I hate things that always make me furious and dismayed. So from now on I will I use the word Hatred in that sense.

It must be understood by the reader that when I say these are things I hate but everyone else is OK with I am not actively trying to be different. To me it is not about being different. It is about being true to myself. And myself so happens to hate the five things I am about to list. I am not, by any means, a hipster who cannot for once in his life be satisfied or happy with what society has spent time or money on to entertain and influence him.


I can assure you I am firmly honest in my disgust and irritation which isn’t easy to express since standing out makes you noticed and often the object of repeated arguments and witch hunting. I decided to write this as a rare opportunity to voice complaints that I often keep to myself because I want to avoid repercussions from offended parties who act like they want to send ninja assassins after me every time I speak my mind.

So without further delay and introduction I present in no particular order five things that I hate everyone else seems to be fine with.

1. Fan-fiction.


The reason I despise fan-fiction is because it stifles imagination. I firmly believe and will defend the belief that fan-fiction is an unhealthy exercise for aspiring writers since it favours interpretation over innovation. The fan-fiction writer has no need to construct or develop characters and worlds because he has a fully realised template for him to work with already. It requires little imagination and keeps the writer from adequately finding his own style.
Another issue I have with fan-fiction is that it is often bad. Just simply bad. The original authors and imaginations behind the source material understood these characters and situations better than anyone else will which means no matter how much the fan-fic writer tries they won’t capture the essence of the original work.
However, this is only my personal view and I know for a fact that some of the contributors on this blog are fan-fiction writers themselves. Sorry, guys.

2. Dream Casting.


 With all of the dream casting I have observed on forums, websites, and groups I have recognised a common problem. The dream casters need to see some more goddamn movies.
Most of the movie geek community who take part in dream casting always seem to select A-listers, famous character actors, and big names that even hermits and monks are fans of.
There are a lot of successful films that owed their success to the fact that relative newcomers and unknown actors were selected. If George Lucas decided to listen to some fan caster who wanted the roles of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo to be played by Steve McQueen, Diane Keaton, and Henry Fonda Star Wars would have sucked big time. In 1977 Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford were not major stars. If big Hollywood names were cast viewers would probably have gotten distracted.
Dream casters too often make that mistake. Their limited knowledge of actors, cinema, directors, etc makes their dream casting laughable at best and abhorrent at worst. This is a situation where I say leave it to the professionals.

3. Expanded Universes.


OK, I’ll be honest; I don’t exactly hate EU’s. I just dislike the concept in general. And my dislike is more of a gripe than a hate, but since my view will be unpopular I decided to lay this one down anyway.
My problem with EU’s is, for one thing, they are inconsistent, tiresome, and often badly written. In any EU, whether it be Star Wars, Star Trek, or Indiana Jones; they rely on multiple writers of unequal talent who, despite best attempts at unity and organisation; make contradictions, errors, and plot holes.
I also find myself irritated with the fan bases of Expanded Universes. They are often griping, argumentative assholes who regard their EU as more precious than the canonical material itself.
But as I pointed out I don’t really hate EU’s entirely. In fact, I adored some of the Star Wars EU like Knights of the Old Republic and some of the comics. But, all in all, I am generally annoyed by the whole thing.

4. Factoids.


I am just gonna let it be known right here and now that I absolutely despise the modern “Just-Google-It” culture. Fun facts, daily trivia posts, For Dummies books, etc, etc. I hate all of it! It has left us with nothing but ignorant, unintelligent internet users who think they know jack-shit because they picked up bits and pieces of info from magazine articles, Google searches, encyclopedias, cliff notes, and candy wrappers. If anyone dare ask where they got their knowledge they will without a doubt claim it was a product of extensive research and academic study which is idiotic nonsense.
I am tired of getting into heated debates with morons on topics that I legitimately spent my life researching and understanding because they misinterpreted an out-of-context factoid they picked up from a Buzzfeed article they barely paid attention to when they were reading it in the first place.
Factoids encourage people to be lazy in gaining knowledge and offer them delusions of intelligence. Wikipedia will never hold a candle to reading a goddamn book or taking an actual college class.

5. People claiming they don’t care what anyone thinks of them.

But, wait, you say. Shouldn’t people not care what others think of them?
My answer is no. People actually should care. And most of them do anyway even those who claim otherwise.
I find this to be one of the most irritating behaviours people do nowadays. It makes no sense, is completely devoid of reality, and betrays a childish delusion of being better than everyone else.
I am always tempted to ask when people say they don’t care about the opinions of others, “If you don’t care what others think why are you trying so hard to convince people of that?” For the fact is it is only what they want you to think. They want to justify their behaviour to others by using this phrase as a defense mechanism to avoid and deter criticism. It’s cowardly and a cheap escape.
And it so happens that people actually SHOULD care what others think. Those who don’t are psychopaths who masturbate in public. If you didn’t care what others think you could never get a job because you would go to interviews chewing gum, wearing pajamas. You would make no friends because you are constantly telling new people their breath stinks or their ties are ugly. To put it simply you would be an incorrigible and intolerable asshole with no admirable qualities at all.
It is preferable instead to not care about CERTAIN people’s opinions. Normal human beings allow the opinions of those who matter influence them while ignoring those belonging to others who do not. If the next door neighbour smoking pot with the music playing too loud yells at me saying I am ugly I really don’t care. If my girlfriend said it my feelings would be hurt. If I didn’t care what my girlfriend thought I would fail as a partner. If I cared what the neighbour thought I would become depressed over meaningless things and end up lacking ambition to move forward in fear of a stranger’s judgement. Just be honest with yourselves for once. Some opinions do matter and may be constructive in making you a better person.

And that, my readers, was five things I cannot stand that other people are fine with. I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to read your feedback in the comments.

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey