Category Archives: Rants

Frustration At Its Peak

Sometimes I don’t have the words to speak, its sometimes really shocking to some people when I say that. But why do I keep doing this, when the results of nothing short of catastrophic. Does anyone wanna hear me, see what I have to offer this world. I’m not sure, but its weird how you work so hard on something and its like no one cares. Its a crying shame, when you’re the only one that believes in your own art. Maybe I’m wrong about that, and maybe there is something to make of it. I guess its just insecurity, that when I’m gone no one will really care to spread these things. Like there’s always this sense that I am one act away, one chess board move from hitting something larger. I guess the smaller victories will do for now, they’ll have to at least.


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Just Some Thoughts


I don’t know, I just felt like it needed to be said.

You wanna know why I’m prone to depression, it’s not because people are dicks. Its because I have an illness, deeply embedded in my Family history that plagues my existence. I also don’t want to talk to new people, they make me extremely uneasy. Think about it like this, I even get anxious around the people I know. Now what do you think the other side of that does? I acknowledge your existence out of necessity often times.

Because well, if I don’t that’s just fucking rude and heaven forbid I ever take that approach. Nothing triggers feelings, you are unhappy because there’s something wrong with you. Is that a bad thing? No, it’s just the reality of the situation. Often times, I would rather sit in my house and be completely alone. But then there’s an alternate side to that, my logical part of my brain understands that to thrive this isn’t healthy.

I fight with this all the time, my depression/anxiety may not be the same as yours. And that’s completely fine, but what annoy’s me about some people is they allow it to become their identity. Its apart of me, but is it me? Absolutely not, and it never will be. Its not about beating anything, its about making the best out of the shitty mindset you have to wake up with because you can’t help it. I have always felt alienated from the world around me, but that isn’t something anyone has done to me. That’s just how my brain works, I’m not looking to be treated in any special way. Most of the time, I just wanna be left the hell alone. I do the things that make me comfortable, and as I get older that becomes a more satisfying approach to life.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Bloody Confection

argo-movie-quote-courage-living-fear-deathThe green muck, overcoming the winds of change. Choking at the seams, overpowering these periods of show and tell on board a ship at sea. The water spearheads your appearances, overlapping the construct that lays before your crying eyes. Funds don’t buy the hungry mantra, the comedic leisure finds you in pain of mind.  I blew up your pleasure trove, for these gold schillings have a seal of approval.  The squadron overflows the war torn majesty, you boldly embark on a trustworthy mission. Toiling in the weeds, your shoes slap against mud, they seem to be stuck. You raise one hand to the skies, clouds are seen as pillows ready for you to collapse. Hands grasp at your ankles, as you fight for the future of this generation.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

I Guess Its Late, And I’m Rambling Again


Humans do something really strange and yet its accepted as normal, they create an expectation or a identity of something they wanna see out of you. And its often unattainable aspirations of themselves, or of their own wishful and so many times reluctant fears. Its really a character study of the truth that hides within them. Of their mistakes, and unrequited pieces they wish they could have returned to them. People don’t really know what they want, so why would they start with themselves? You’re a far better experiment, because at the end of the day its not them who gets torn apart is it? Its a unrelenting curiosity, to find purpose through another while risking destroying them.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Brain Diversion


Breakout’s on the skin, as red as fire bombs protruding lifeless envisioning. Your trains wished for a better day, to float upon the imaginary loose fitted cannon. Bouncing in that room, he eyes it candidly making sure its softly exuded pleasure. Falling downward, bones as brittle as sand paper in a jar of concrete. Mashed down, it closes ever so intently on the mark of its host. Loops out and in, circular motioning to the crowd in wonderment of the blank pages. Addressing nothing, feeling the broadness and the billing feeding you the encompassing triumph. I bring a message in a earlobe, overloaded and bludgeoned in the marking. These rooms are separated by numbers, divided by a miscreant. These offenses cannot stand, we shall never allow them to falter our masterful wisdom in these worlds.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Something I’ll Never Understand


You know what I don’t get about the female empowerment movement? And you can correct me if I am off base here, I am not above that by any means. But here’s the thing ladies, I don’t understand this need to have your nipples out. Or be as free as guys can be in that way, I know it should be a right to do that. But why would you scold a man for looking/admiring your magnificent body? I’m not picturing raping you, or taking you right then and there against your will. I could just be saying you know “This girls got it going on”.

What the fuck is wrong with that? I mean, if you wanna rub piss and shit all over yourself I don’t care!!! If that’s gonna make you feel more secure fine, but to bastardize a man for being just that A MAN!!! Just because you still feel like a delicate flower next to me, if you wanna embrace your femininity do it !!! But if you wanna be secure in your own skin, you gotta make room for us to. That’s all I’m trying to say, i’m not ever going to tell you that you can’t do what guys do!!!

But I’m also going to call you out when you try to play the victim card. Its not cool!!! Because contrary to what you may believe, most dudes are not sexual deviants. I can understand you being upset in a normal setting, if all a dude is doing is gawking at you constantly. But if you wanna be proud of your body, why would you make us feel so low when all we are doing the vast majority of the time is admiring. I get both sides I suppose, its understandable how Females get tired of being looked at like a piece of meat.

I don’t know, it just seems wrong to yell at dudes for looking if you are screaming for equality all the time. Because then, all you look like is a nagging bitch. And dudes don’t like that, I don’t think girls like that either but that’s not the point. Point of all of this is, if you wanna be respected then by all means press for that. But dudes get hooted and hollered at all the time, what do you suppose we do about that? Just let you continue, yea dudes might say it makes them feel manly. But what if there was a slight chance that not all men are like that?

If a guy said “Hey, I’m not feeling this situation”. Would you end it then? I have my doubts, to be honest with you. Because well I hear all the time people say “Guys don’t get themselves in those situations, because “Masculinity”. No, the shoes on the other foot all the fucking time. Wanna hear examples of stories I have witnessed, where I have been taken advantage of? All I am saying is, it happens to all of us!!

And to act as if it doesn’t, well you aren’t giving both sexes the credit they deserve in life. Not one single person should be pushed into something, that they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing!! I could care less who you are, the double standard exists. Whether you want to admit it or not, whats the verdict? Live your lives the way you see fit, but don’t sit there and ever tell me. That when I want the same respect that you should get, that you say “Well, you’re a man so it doesn’t apply to you”. It does, and it damn well should for both sexes!! Respect of a person’s space, and well being is not exclusive to a Female. Just don’t shun a guy for being what he is, and we won’t do it to you. We need to both demand it of each other, and that’s just the way it is to me!! =)

I’m sorry if you’ve been raped, no one should have to put up with that on either end of the isle. Its not right, and we shouldn’t stand for it either!! However, to make a guy feel terrible for enjoying a very natural thing. Is defeating the purpose of the movement all together, is it not? Feel free to point out my mistakes in this if you wish. I am all ears, like I said!! Just don’t hate me for being real with you guys, I pride myself on being just that!! I hope you understand, where I am coming from on it!!! =) I simply want both ends to be held accountable equally, because I feel like that is what empowerment is right!?!? 😉 We need to build each other up, and not constantly rip into each other if you don’t like how we do things!!

Ok, I’m done!!! Thanks for reading, I know its long!! =)

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Here We Go Again….. (Rant)


I’m sorry that this has to continue, but as long as it does I will keep on saying these things!!!

Dallas is in distress because of one cowardly act, by faceless antagonists who care nothing about peace or prosperity. Dallas was calm, hell the Cops were even protesting with them!!! One act changed that, wasn’t the first time though. This is a systematic effort to isolate and run down innocent bystanders, it was a blatant terrorist assault. No one is going to do anything, until we stand as one people. This isn’t about Cops Vs Blacks, this isn’t about White Vs Minority. Until we expose those profiting off of violence and fear, these events will continue to take place weekly.

We don’t live in a world of Peace, but we can and its high time we start taking action to do just that. But we can’t just care about what’s going on here, we have to make everything an issue!!!! If it smells like a rat, it probably is!!! This includes spreading falsehoods, if you see something on your feed. Take literally 5 minutes to fact check, it doesn’t do you or anyone else any good not to. Thoughts and prayers? Awesome, but that’s not going to really change anything. Your attitude, and what you deem important has to… and I’m sorry to say that starts with you.
Don’t get it mixed up, I am saying these things about myself just as much!!! Because its about all of us, or guess what? We lose, EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!! I could name a Top 10 list of things, that we all should care about. That doesn’t do anyone any good, we have to care about unjust acts in general!! Indifference, that has just as much potential to be damaging.

But go ahead disregard this, It’s fine I am used to it. If you really believe deep within yourself, that nothing you can do will change things. Then you are more than likely right about that, but public opinion/outcry has done things to alter the spectrum of what is the norm. So maybe you believe you don’t have power, and that’s just where they want you to stay. I’m not playing the “Holier Than Thou” Card, I am playing the “Reality Check” Card.

You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT!!!! Leave it to your Government officials to do something!!! We have to sit down, and make a decision of how we are going to treat people. This savagery is suited for those who lived in the dark ages!!! Gun control? No, never going to happen!!! But we also can’t have it both ways, you can’t just get whatever the hell you want either!!! We need to learn to compromise, we need to learn common sense action that will work for everyone!!! And until we say, enough is enough these things will continue!!!! Make a decision, or just sit back and forget it in a couple of weeks. I’m done… I have said my piece.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger