Category Archives: Relationships

Something Different….

When it’s on your soul, you just have to write it right? =)

I thought you had to work an actual job, whatever that actually means. To have a respect for what others contribute, this couldn’t be further from the truth. It simply took me taking responsibility for my life, to come to the realization that you might always have people that will help you. But you have to make your own path, you have to put in the work no matter what it is you choose to do in this world.

No happy man with a beard in the sky, is going to make that a reality for you. And you can’t flee to a corner when things get rough, you have to stand your ground and battle. I didn’t understand this until I moved out, I also had no clue what it was all about until I gave my time to others with no thought of what I’d get from it. And lastly, it took my Grandmother to break down into what she is now. For me to truly grasp how imperative it was for me to make my own path.

I am closer to my Grandfather even in death, because I finally got what he was trying to tell me all those years ago. I finally understood what it takes, and while the life I’ve chosen may have not been what he foresaw. I believe with my whole heart, that he could stand and look at me today and pat me on the shoulder. And let me know how much he was proud of the man I am now. I am a writer because of the pain I have suffered, but I am a writer more so because of the words he instilled in me. The nights of fighting over school work never getting done, when for many times I underperformed. He saw this in me way before I could myself.

My Grandfather wrote also, he was quite the penmen in his day. I have gotten the privilege to read several of the things he contributed in story form. I may have a lot of years never understood why we clashed, but I don’t think that’s really important today. He never told us to follow our dreams, but there was always this idea that you could find joy in whatever it is you did in life.

I guess I’m sort of sad that I never knew just how good he was at crafting words. We could have shared that later in life, but he never talked to any of us on that deep of a level. I guess that’s one thing I do regret, that and the fact that I never got to really show him how far I’ve come.Some how though, I wanna believe he knows. I’ve done nothing but fight, he and I have a very similar spirit. I get a sample every now and again, of what he went through later in his life with the Emphysema. He may have been harsh, his methods now would probably seem extreme to most.

But I don’t believe he really held me back, in fact I think he did the total opposite. But he wanted me to do things I wasn’t ever attached to emotionally, I wasn’t going to be what he was professionally. I didn’t have the work ethic he had, and I certainly never grasped the notion that was furthering education.

Maybe it would have appeased him temporarily, maybe if I just would have listened a bit more. We could have gotten a bit closure. I’m not sure, because it always seemed like an impossible task. I know deep down though, he was a good man. And he took care of his family, and that was at the time all I could or should have expected. Now? I truly believe it would have been so much different.

I think expectations are a killer, you can really do a lot of damage to yourself and those you care about. When that’s all you think about, where is this going to lead and how will they make my life better in the long haul. I think its healthy to an extent, because it keeps people’s drive to surpass what they’ve done prior. And that’s important to do, but you can take that past the point of where it no longer helps anyone progress.

I don’t think he knew how to structure that, and I think the disciplinarian in him won rather than the provider or the father figure. A person you could go to when things got difficult. But I guess as I as always stated, our Grandmother was the opposite of him. She loved us no matter what we did, he always had conditions and terms.

Creator And Contributor- Chris Ballenger

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I Just Wanna Say Thank You

 Thank you card

Not sure how many of you who are still here, or are able to even actually see this. Writing, as well as the compacted audience I have aquired from it. Has granted me the opportunity to not only express myself in new ways, but also given me the confidence to put multiple books in the coming years. I tend to not focus on the past too much, but the ability to craft words in such a way. Has made me realize just how blessed I am to be able to do this, and present maybe just a glimmer of hope for anyone who reads my stuff. If you have supported me, or anything else on this blog. I just want to thank you for that, it truly means more to me than anything in this world. Come 2017 you will see more from me at the very least, that’s something you can count on. And hopefully we can keep this little train a chugging into the future. =)

Contributor And Founder- Chris Ballenger

Imaginated Sunset

1-Before-Sunrise-quotesYou wrote your markings on my head, in which comes from your soulistic tendencies. Scatterbrained, we embark on this journey together forever. Your blissful insurgence, outing in the lights cannot bring out my madness. You purge my soul of the filthy wasteful secretions on my skin. My smoke screen fights to keep things from you, its natural defenses lock up my moods away with a key. You peel away still, your fingers press against the wooden barrier. This is a mask folded inward, you cannot make your way through without a sacrifice. This blood split from your gnawed off curtains, it seeps through the tempered holes. I bellow in your belittled stature, for in the winds of time you come close but its never enough.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Why Do We Fight So Hard?

EmilysQuotes.Com-hate-understand-inspirational-advice-wisdom-John-LennonWhy would I choose to stay grounded, when there’s an entire Universe for my own pleasure. I learned you can’t be complacent, if you keep moving toward a broadened mixture of solutions. Why is a problem, why am I stuck inside this boxed formulation, I always believed that I was destined for bigger things. But my mind couldn’t see past my own ego, that was the issue I faced in line with boastful measures. I punished myself, for reasons I’ll never be able to comprehend. I was more than this box, I stare at it in shock that I have escaped its grapple on me. Anything is possible, if you’d just know that you are so much more than your own limits. We do this to ourselves, and we wish for it to be over in pure agony of regret. I’d focus on yours, but I’m way too invested on getting what I know is mine.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Light Footed And Lost

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She floats in the afterbirth of occasion, massively shot outside of the founded mass of wanting a burnt lesion. You watch her from afar, she ignores your advances not because of her indifference. But because there isn’t a fondness, a gifted and dark mantera and forward they move in seclusion. Their light footed and lost, in a universe filled with floods of belligerent fires. They burn as they draw stiletto’s to the ground, painting a monstrosity in elusive defiance. You want to intertwine, you want to interact but something keeps you guessing. She looks the the prizm, shaping the dialect as they see fit. These words have no meaning, they begin to find out what all of this is for. Will you struggle with her, or press against the suppression. Resistance is pointless, you will bleed no matter the resolution.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Turnpike Messenger

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A broad and hopeful cubical, found inside the hole of vigorous shame. They walk in a row opposite from one another, running into the shouldered backing. Funny words, become hateful glares in the mid cart. You fight the urge to resist, these workings are obvious in a scounderlistic way. Raising your palm to the light fixture, in wonderment of how it got this bad over time. How did they keep you here all this time, why were you so fond of the punishment. Your eyes were pierced for their recreational hazard, the box broadcasts your dimwitted behavior as if its normalized. You swore you’d never become like this, that it would all be fastened to the floor and securely locked. I do feel the need to tell you, that you brought this bondage on yourself.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger

Just Some Thoughts

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What do I believe…..

I believe I am a vessel, yes a small grain of sand in the cosmos of advantageous potential and probability. I blend into your ora, creating a splendid cacophony of life. I contribute to the good and the bad, for it is a balance that I feel is a necessity for my survival. I do the very best I can, to link my veracity with your splendor. I believe there is power in connection, and that I make my own way in this world. I believe that I can change people’s outlook, even with a few spoken words of wisdom. If my life, and my fight has changed yours in some way. I believe I am doing exactly what needs to be accomplished. I simply cannot ponder on the unknown, for it is completely out of my hands. I believe seeing is believing, your senses are the key to your own thriving. I believe we will all find our way, I have to believe that human kind is capable of being the best version of itself. And I believe when I am gone, my words will flow through others as easily as they have me all the years.

Contributor- Chris Ballenger