Category Archives: Top 10 Things You Don’t Say

Top 10 Things You Do Not Say to Marvel Comics Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

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  1. Marvel is the poor man’s DC.
  2. The MCU is getting too long and convoluted. We have, so far, three phases of a series of films and three TV series. There is just too much going on and no one ain’t got time for that!
  3. Who is my favourite Avenger? Superman, of course!
  4. When you consider that there is Storm, Rogue, and Jean Grey shouldn’t they be called the X-People instead of the X-Men?
  5. No, I am not going to read the Resurrection of Galactus or Prime Elements! The Fantastic Four are lame! I have seen the movies so I know.
  6. Wolverine is a terrible and uninteresting character. A character in a story who lacks the ability to die or be seriously harmed cannot be relatable in a storytelling point of view. There is no real conflict.
  7. If Professor X is so good at reading minds why do so many bad things end up happening to the X-Men anyway? Is he like the Deanna Troi of the Marvel universe?
  8. The best Spiderman stories I have seen so far were the film Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Spiderman 2099.
  9. I hate how lighthearted and fluffy the Marvel films are. That’s why I prefer DC. Comic books should always be serious.
  10. Anyone who gives jack-shit about real mythology should hate Marvel’s Thor on principle.

 

Next Month: Top 10 Things You Do Not Say to Doctor Who Fans

Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to DC Comics Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

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  1. Batman is the best hero evar! He could beat up Superman with his eyes closed! The comics? Some quote from Hush? Hey, man, I have only seen the movies.
  2. Psht! As far as I am concerned Alan Moore and Frank Miller ruined The Joker and Batman.
  3. Halle Berry’s Catwoman was way better than the character portrayed in the comics. She made Catwoman interesting.
  4. The Wonder Woman character is sexist. How can you call yourself empowered and wear a skimpy costume like that. It’s insulting. Wonder Woman and Power Girl are the reason the main comic reading demographic is still predominantly male.
  5. Thanks to Sony we shall never see Spider-Man and the X-Men join the Justice League.
  6. Your all-American icon wears his underwear on the outside, you have  a hero who dresses up as a flying rodent, a “hero” who fears the colour yellow, and everyone wears their costumes as tight as possible. And you sit there and defend comics as legitimate literature?
  7. Knightfall, Knightquest, and Knightsend were some of the best Batman stories to date. It completely outdoes The Dark Knight Returns or The Long Halloween.
  8. Aquaman is lame! No, I have never read the comics. How do I know he is lame? I just do, man. Everyone knows it. Leave me alone!
  9. Superman is just a big boy scout. Batman is a much more believable and relatable figure. He evokes perfectly nihilistic Nietzschean moralist ethics. His fondness for bats and the dark is an apparent neo-gothic nytophilic comprehension of the human condition and Man’s inevitable role….[goes on for 3 hours]
  10. I hear Wally West prefers to use Windows operating systems because Apple doesn’t support Flash.

 

Next Month: Top 5 Things You Do Not Say to Marvel Comics Fans

Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to Star Trek Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

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  1. There really is no big difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. Just a bunch of fans nitpicking.
  2. I cannot stand those dreadful red uniforms from Star Trek II-VI! They should have stuck with the ones they had in The Motion Picture. Those were bad-ass!
  3. The only reason people like the Original Series is pure nostalgia. The acting and special effects were cheesy and none of the stories were any good.
  4. Honestly, I think Chris Pine made a better Kirk than Shatner anyway.
  5. They should have left Kirk dead at the end of Into Darkness and had the follow-up be Star Trek: The Search for Kirk.
  6. The Inner Light is one of the most idiotic episodes that came out of TNG’s run. It’s worse than Masks. It was pure sentimental hogwash and didn’t deserve any of its awards.
  7. I don’t get Deep Space Nine’s appeal! It’s a boring preachy soap opera where the ship never moves and its captain is practically a villain who should be strung up on war crimes!
  8. The only good thing about Voyager was 7 of 9. If you know what I mean 😉
  9. After seeing Enterprise I think it would have been a great idea if all of the Star Trek series had songs for their opening credits instead of lame musical themes.
  10. The Star Trek movies really lack any artistic and cinematic merit settling instead for lots of technical jargon and hard sci-fi concepts. They favour pleasing hardcore fans over writing good stories and realistic characters. That’s why Guardians of the Galaxy or Flash Gordon will always be better than Star Trek.

Next Month: Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to DC Comics Fans

Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to Star Wars Fans

Contributor: Rick McGimpsey

19191

  1. I don’t get why people think the Original Trilogy is better. The Prequels had much better special effects.
  2. I really can’t stand Ralph MacQuarrie and Drew Struzan. Their artwork really sucks.
  3. So you’re a Star Wars fan? Is that the one with the guy with the pointed ears?
  4. I am sorry but The Empire Strikes Back is too dark and lacks the subtle charm of the Holiday Special.
  5. I really hate how people are taking a dump over the EU. I miss Jaxxon the green rabbit, C3PX the assassin protocol droid, and that prequel story in the Marvel comics where Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Luke’s father fight in the Clone Wars together. That was the hey-day of Star Wars lore!
  6. After the Original Trilogy there were released in the 80’s two direct-to-video Ewok movies that no one seems to remember. I am disappointed that after the Prequels no one did that with the Gungans. Caravan of Boomers? Battle for Otoh Gunga? Those would have been awesome.
  7. I don’t understand why they are getting characters like Han Solo to return to the Sequel Trilogy. Harrison Ford is a bit washed out ain’t he?
  8. Those Clone Wars and Rebels cartoons are so irritating. Did Star Wars suddenly become for kids or something?
  9. John Williams’s score is overrated. Lucas should have stuck with classical music as he originally planned.
  10. I think Greedo shooting first, the blinking Ewoks, and Vader’s “Noooo” yell have overall improved the Star Wars experience making the films infinitely better than they ever were before.

Next month: Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to Star Trek Fans